A Whole new level of "Kiss My Ass!"

So here's the thing. I was watching my soap the other day, (yes, I'm a stay-at-home mother who watches soap operas. What of it?) only I can't watch it during the day, because I'm often too busy. So I watch it at night on Soap Net after the kids have gone to bed. So I'm watching, I'm watching, I'm guiltily enjoying all the drama. What kind of new trouble has that Sami cooked up now? Then, damn it, another commercial. She was just about to reveal who the baby's real father is. Crap. But wait. What's this? A new show on Soap Net. It's called Southern Belles - Louisville.
Now normally I am anti-reality TV. I consider it neither reality nor very good TV. But I'm from Kentucky, right? So of course I'm gonna have to check this out. It will have to be more real that those Real Housewives Of shows, right? I mean come on. It's Kentucky.
So the premier rolls around and I get ready to tune in with a jaded eye. And boy was I glad I hadn't set my hopes too high on this one. What a bunch of BS. These women lead lives so not even close to my own reality it's like we don't even live in the same state. Now, of course I know that geography doesn't count for everything. But it's gotta count for something and besides these women weren't even vaguely human as far as I'm concerned. Louisville or not, I refuse to validate these whoores rolls as quasi-celebrities for one second longer. Oh, darlings, get over yourselves.
There are five of the so-called belles, each one just as annoyingly grating as the last. My favorite of the moment though is Kellie. Poor Kellie. Poor poor Kellie. Evidently we should all feel very sad for Kellie because she has just gone through a very painful divorce. For the second time. (She's 32) And has had to "downsize" into a smaller home that frankly is quite a bit larger than the home I live in now which I consider to be almost too large for my family of four. Kellie is also trying to make adjustments to her new salary (read: divorce settlement). She is having to fly commercial instead of private and is having to buy her clothes -gasp- off the rack. Poor girl. Louisville is a great on wonderful city to be sure, but I don't even know where one would go to not buy off the rack.
I also really like Shea. Shea comes from money. And when I say money, I mean MONEY. Think Ron White when he says his in-laws are "llllooooooooaaaaaaddddeed." And Shea wants everyone who sees her to know just how much money she has. Or rather, Daddy has. And lucky Shea has found her dream man. (Starter husband - whatever) This poor guy is killing himself just to keep up with her demands and he doesn't even seem to know it. Shea is even planning their elaborate society wedding, and he hasn't even proposed. Love it. Dude, I have just one word for you. RUN!!!
So seriously, people. Please please please don't watch this show. Don't give these girls any more validation than they already get. Boycott Southern Belles - Louisville with pride and know that a real Southern Belle is one that knows that it's not all about the money or the house or the divorce settlement with all the zeros. She is one who says please and thank you, and yes ma'am and no sir. She can wear linen without wrinkling it (too much) and she knows how to brew the perfect pot of sweet tea. She wears her hair big to be "closer to Jesus" and she knows just why every southern woman has a coffee cup of bacon grease in her refrigerator. Be cool Kentucky, and don't give these "Belles" the attention they so obviously desire.

Ellen - take my kids. Please!

I was taking my kids to school this morning and I had the radio tuned to the local station WUGO/WGOH 102.3 in Grayson, KY) to try and get a little weather info for my day. They were talking and talking, as they are prone to do, about a whole lot of nothing when voice A said that he had something interesting to share that had to do with mother's day.
He had a poll that someone had done about how people feel about celebrity mothers. It was mildly interesting. Best celebrity mother - Jennifer Garner. OK, if you say so. Best celebrity step-mother - Jada Pinkett-Smith. Yeah, she seems pretty cool. Worst celebrity mom - Courtney Love. Totally, but whatever. Like I said, it was mildly interesting drive time prattle. Until . . .
Voice A then shifts his voice and says that there is a part of the poll he doesn't agree with. "Oh?" asks Voice B, "What would that be?" Evidently he already knows. Now this station is an admittedly conservative, quasi-Christian entity and I have often said that if I won the lottery the first thing I am doing is buying the station and changing it to indie/alt rock and my drive time show would be called "Shut the Hell Up". So I was kind of ready for some sort of unwed mother republican bullshit. But, yes it's true, they even surprised me. Turns out ignorance know no bounds.
The question was what celebrity would you be most willing to leave your kids with. Hmm, that's a good one I thought. What could people have possibly said that would have gotten these gas bags panties in such a wad? Brittney? Nah, who in their right mind would leave their kids w/ her? That's a real head scratcher.
So, wanna know who they deemed such an unfit role model, such a "sad commentary on the way our society thinks today", who no decent God-fearing, bible-thumping republican, should never leave their kids with?
Ellen. Ellen freakin' DeGeneres. And her "gay lover, partner,whatever, I'll not call her wife 'cause in the eyes of God they're not married Portia DeRossi."
Are you fucking kidding me? Ellen DeGeneres is the biggest threat to child development out there? Give me break, people. God forbid we would let someone who is in a stable relationship (by whatever label you want to put on it), has a highly successful career, is community and globally minded, is extremely generous, fair, and kindhearted look after your children. No we certainly wouldn't want that, now would we? What a crock of bull.
Hey, Go Radio, get over yourselves. I may not have always agreed with you but I at least respected you for having stuff on the air that I at least knew I wouldn't have to screen for my kids. Not anymore. I will not be tuning in anymore. You may not want your children (or grandchildren, as the case may be) to be exposed to gay people, but I don't want mine to be exposed to Ignorant Dumb Asses. Even my daughter, who is nine BTW and highly politically and socially savvy, couldn't believe it. "What's wrong with Ellen," she screamed. "Ellen's cool!"
That's right, sweetheart. Ellen is cool. But more than that Ellen is someone who I would be proud to let take care of my children. And that's saying something.

Ugly on the Inside

It's old news by now that Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean is a homophobe. She spoke out against gay marriage in the finals of the pageant and claimed that that is what cost her the crown. Perhaps. But generally it's not the best idea to give a crown to a bigot. But whatever.
Much has been said since then, mostly from conservatives, about how admirable it was that at least she had the courage of her convictions and was not afraid to stand up for what she believes in. Big F-ing deal. Hitler had the courage of his convictions too. Stay the course. The surge is working.
But now, yippee! Imagine my excitement upon turning on the news this morning to learn that Miss Prejean had previously posed for semi-nude photos and that said photos had been leaked to the media. hehehehe.
Now, normally when a situation such as this arises I say 'it's no body's business what a person does in their private lives' and honestly if I looked like Miss Prejean it wouldn't be a matter of nude photographs that anyone would have to worry about. My ass would be walking around naked for everyone to see. So more power to her on that front. But I digress.
The point is that Miss Prejean set her own self up as a moral example with her little morality play during and after the Miss USA pageant. She wrapped herself up in her so-called Christian Faith and now it appears she's a little tangled.
According to Prejean the whole thing was not her fault. The photos were "surreptitiously leaked to a tabloid website that openly mocks me for my Christian faith." Umm excuse me. Didn't you mock your faith yourself when you donned those little pink panties (and nothing else) and said cheese?
Bitch, give me a break!
Carrie Prejean, you are a real piece of work. Your faith is what guides you and teaches you what's right and wrong. But then when you do something stupid it becomes an excuse for others to attack you. Wake up and smell the holy-water, sweetheart. They're attacking you because you're a hypocrite. Big Time.
Prejean also goes on to say that she feels that the attacks on her and others who "speak in defense of traditional marriage" are intolerant and offensive. Guess what, Princess? I find your bigoted views intolerant and you stupidity offensive. So put that in your crown and smoke it!