What Ted Kennedy Means to Me

I knew that he was old. I knew that he had a brain tumor. I knew that he would die - and soon. What I did not know was how it would affect me.
I did not know Senator Ted Kennedy. Would never have had any reason to have met him. But as I turned on the news yesterday morning and learned of his passing, I was filled with a deep sadness. I feel that America has lost more than we will ever realize.
I have watched all the news specials and will watch the coverage of his public memorial this weekend. I feel that it is important that we do all we can to celebrate the life of this youngest, but arguably most effective Kennedy brother. It is just as important, perhaps to note his past failings because they have made him the lion that he was. Kennedy made many (and public) mistakes in his life. But, to his credit, he never disowned them. And always, he recovered stronger.
Kennedy took to heart his mother, Rose Kennedy's, favorite bible quote. "From those to which much has been given; much will be expected" (from Luke 12:48) Yes, he was a Kennedy and all that that entailed. But first and foremost he was a public servant.
Will we ever again find in today's generation those who feel called to public service just for the sake of said service? Will there be those who step forward who will not compromise their principles and in so doing will gain the respect of their political enemies? Will there be those left in the Senate who know when it is beneficial to stand tall behind party lines and when it is prudent to reach across the aisle?
Senator Kennedy was the author of a staggering 2,500 bills. The programs and laws that he helped enact are countless. For many of our rights as 21st Century Americans we owe a debt of gratitude to Sen. Kennedy. He was a champion of civil rights as a natural continuation of his brothers' works. He championed women's rights before it was politically correct. He stood up for gay rights before it was cool.
Yes, there are many things for which to thank Teddy Kennedy and his service not just to Massachusetts and the US Senate, but indeed to all Americans. But that for which I will always be grateful to the Liberal Lion is a sense of awareness for the problems that we face and a willingness to stand up and do something about it. Teddy did not shrug away from voicing unpopular opinions, and neither shall I (no matter how insignificant I may be). As another great man (my grandfather) once said, "Nobody ever said doing the right thing had to be easy."
Ted Kennedy's life was oftentimes not easy, but he will always be remembered as great. Yes, he made mistakes. But he was a good man who dedicated his life to trying to do good for others. At the end of a long and eventful life, can there be a higher compliment?
What a statesman! What a life!

Marriage Confusion - or something kind of like it

As I set and watch my news this morning, I am moderately surprised to see that West Virginia, my neighboring state (with more air time than sense), has decided to have their state supreme court (supreme being a relative term) define marriage. Of course that definition would be that marriage exists between a man and a woman.
What the Hell? Are you kidding me? Are you homo-hating conservs really that threatened that you have to define marriage? Yes, I know other states have done it. But if Alabama jumped off a bridge, would you? Don't answer that.
Now before I go any further let me say that I consider West Virginia one of the most beautiful states in the country. The natural beauty cannot be matched. Unfortunately that beauty does not extend to its people. The problem with West Virginia is that it's filled with West Virginians.
Back to the point at hand. Why do we have to be married at all? One local attorney in my hometown recently ran an add in our paper that he would personally pay for the wedding of any couple in the community that had been co-habitating for a certain amount of time. WTF? Why this sudden need to have all the heteros happily married off?
I don't think that any of us need to be "married" at all. I think the laws should be changed so that any couple (no matter their sexual affiliation) should be able to go to the courthouse and obtain a civil union, or partnership, or whateverthehell you want to call it. It should be treated like the business partnership that it in fact is. Then if you want to have a wedding, then that is a private thing for you to deal with with your spiritual leader, or not. To share with your family and friends, or not.
I just don't get why it has to be so damn hard. If I want to take my dog down to the courthouse and enter into a partnership with him, I should be allowed to. Now if we later decide to make vows in front of our closest friends and family where I vow to keep his food bowl always full and he vows to not lick his balls on my good rug - well then that's between me and my dog. As it should be.

A Whole new level of "Kiss My Ass!"

So here's the thing. I was watching my soap the other day, (yes, I'm a stay-at-home mother who watches soap operas. What of it?) only I can't watch it during the day, because I'm often too busy. So I watch it at night on Soap Net after the kids have gone to bed. So I'm watching, I'm watching, I'm guiltily enjoying all the drama. What kind of new trouble has that Sami cooked up now? Then, damn it, another commercial. She was just about to reveal who the baby's real father is. Crap. But wait. What's this? A new show on Soap Net. It's called Southern Belles - Louisville.
Now normally I am anti-reality TV. I consider it neither reality nor very good TV. But I'm from Kentucky, right? So of course I'm gonna have to check this out. It will have to be more real that those Real Housewives Of shows, right? I mean come on. It's Kentucky.
So the premier rolls around and I get ready to tune in with a jaded eye. And boy was I glad I hadn't set my hopes too high on this one. What a bunch of BS. These women lead lives so not even close to my own reality it's like we don't even live in the same state. Now, of course I know that geography doesn't count for everything. But it's gotta count for something and besides these women weren't even vaguely human as far as I'm concerned. Louisville or not, I refuse to validate these whoores rolls as quasi-celebrities for one second longer. Oh, darlings, get over yourselves.
There are five of the so-called belles, each one just as annoyingly grating as the last. My favorite of the moment though is Kellie. Poor Kellie. Poor poor Kellie. Evidently we should all feel very sad for Kellie because she has just gone through a very painful divorce. For the second time. (She's 32) And has had to "downsize" into a smaller home that frankly is quite a bit larger than the home I live in now which I consider to be almost too large for my family of four. Kellie is also trying to make adjustments to her new salary (read: divorce settlement). She is having to fly commercial instead of private and is having to buy her clothes -gasp- off the rack. Poor girl. Louisville is a great on wonderful city to be sure, but I don't even know where one would go to not buy off the rack.
I also really like Shea. Shea comes from money. And when I say money, I mean MONEY. Think Ron White when he says his in-laws are "llllooooooooaaaaaaddddeed." And Shea wants everyone who sees her to know just how much money she has. Or rather, Daddy has. And lucky Shea has found her dream man. (Starter husband - whatever) This poor guy is killing himself just to keep up with her demands and he doesn't even seem to know it. Shea is even planning their elaborate society wedding, and he hasn't even proposed. Love it. Dude, I have just one word for you. RUN!!!
So seriously, people. Please please please don't watch this show. Don't give these girls any more validation than they already get. Boycott Southern Belles - Louisville with pride and know that a real Southern Belle is one that knows that it's not all about the money or the house or the divorce settlement with all the zeros. She is one who says please and thank you, and yes ma'am and no sir. She can wear linen without wrinkling it (too much) and she knows how to brew the perfect pot of sweet tea. She wears her hair big to be "closer to Jesus" and she knows just why every southern woman has a coffee cup of bacon grease in her refrigerator. Be cool Kentucky, and don't give these "Belles" the attention they so obviously desire.

Ellen - take my kids. Please!

I was taking my kids to school this morning and I had the radio tuned to the local station WUGO/WGOH 102.3 in Grayson, KY) to try and get a little weather info for my day. They were talking and talking, as they are prone to do, about a whole lot of nothing when voice A said that he had something interesting to share that had to do with mother's day.
He had a poll that someone had done about how people feel about celebrity mothers. It was mildly interesting. Best celebrity mother - Jennifer Garner. OK, if you say so. Best celebrity step-mother - Jada Pinkett-Smith. Yeah, she seems pretty cool. Worst celebrity mom - Courtney Love. Totally, but whatever. Like I said, it was mildly interesting drive time prattle. Until . . .
Voice A then shifts his voice and says that there is a part of the poll he doesn't agree with. "Oh?" asks Voice B, "What would that be?" Evidently he already knows. Now this station is an admittedly conservative, quasi-Christian entity and I have often said that if I won the lottery the first thing I am doing is buying the station and changing it to indie/alt rock and my drive time show would be called "Shut the Hell Up". So I was kind of ready for some sort of unwed mother republican bullshit. But, yes it's true, they even surprised me. Turns out ignorance know no bounds.
The question was what celebrity would you be most willing to leave your kids with. Hmm, that's a good one I thought. What could people have possibly said that would have gotten these gas bags panties in such a wad? Brittney? Nah, who in their right mind would leave their kids w/ her? That's a real head scratcher.
So, wanna know who they deemed such an unfit role model, such a "sad commentary on the way our society thinks today", who no decent God-fearing, bible-thumping republican, should never leave their kids with?
Ellen. Ellen freakin' DeGeneres. And her "gay lover, partner,whatever, I'll not call her wife 'cause in the eyes of God they're not married Portia DeRossi."
Are you fucking kidding me? Ellen DeGeneres is the biggest threat to child development out there? Give me break, people. God forbid we would let someone who is in a stable relationship (by whatever label you want to put on it), has a highly successful career, is community and globally minded, is extremely generous, fair, and kindhearted look after your children. No we certainly wouldn't want that, now would we? What a crock of bull.
Hey, Go Radio, get over yourselves. I may not have always agreed with you but I at least respected you for having stuff on the air that I at least knew I wouldn't have to screen for my kids. Not anymore. I will not be tuning in anymore. You may not want your children (or grandchildren, as the case may be) to be exposed to gay people, but I don't want mine to be exposed to Ignorant Dumb Asses. Even my daughter, who is nine BTW and highly politically and socially savvy, couldn't believe it. "What's wrong with Ellen," she screamed. "Ellen's cool!"
That's right, sweetheart. Ellen is cool. But more than that Ellen is someone who I would be proud to let take care of my children. And that's saying something.

Ugly on the Inside

It's old news by now that Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean is a homophobe. She spoke out against gay marriage in the finals of the pageant and claimed that that is what cost her the crown. Perhaps. But generally it's not the best idea to give a crown to a bigot. But whatever.
Much has been said since then, mostly from conservatives, about how admirable it was that at least she had the courage of her convictions and was not afraid to stand up for what she believes in. Big F-ing deal. Hitler had the courage of his convictions too. Stay the course. The surge is working.
But now, yippee! Imagine my excitement upon turning on the news this morning to learn that Miss Prejean had previously posed for semi-nude photos and that said photos had been leaked to the media. hehehehe.
Now, normally when a situation such as this arises I say 'it's no body's business what a person does in their private lives' and honestly if I looked like Miss Prejean it wouldn't be a matter of nude photographs that anyone would have to worry about. My ass would be walking around naked for everyone to see. So more power to her on that front. But I digress.
The point is that Miss Prejean set her own self up as a moral example with her little morality play during and after the Miss USA pageant. She wrapped herself up in her so-called Christian Faith and now it appears she's a little tangled.
According to Prejean the whole thing was not her fault. The photos were "surreptitiously leaked to a tabloid website that openly mocks me for my Christian faith." Umm excuse me. Didn't you mock your faith yourself when you donned those little pink panties (and nothing else) and said cheese?
Bitch, give me a break!
Carrie Prejean, you are a real piece of work. Your faith is what guides you and teaches you what's right and wrong. But then when you do something stupid it becomes an excuse for others to attack you. Wake up and smell the holy-water, sweetheart. They're attacking you because you're a hypocrite. Big Time.
Prejean also goes on to say that she feels that the attacks on her and others who "speak in defense of traditional marriage" are intolerant and offensive. Guess what, Princess? I find your bigoted views intolerant and you stupidity offensive. So put that in your crown and smoke it!

Placebo For the Masses

Well it was bound to come to this sooner or later. And here we are, sooner. The Catholic Church has pissed me off. I think that anyone who has read this blog know how I feel about organized religion (we won't get into all that today), but the Catholic Church is the very worst of all. They just burn my ass. I think I hate them more than the Mormons. (I don't really go in for Jesus - but the Western? Come on!)
So here's the thing. I was informed, by an un-named yet equally pissed off source about a rape case in Brazil - the most Catholic country in the whole wide world. Turns out that the victim of this rape was a nine-year old girl. And who was she raped by, you might ask. That's right- the step-dad. And as if all that wasn't bad enough this little girl winds up pregnant. With twins! Sounds like a freakin' Spanish soap opera, right? Well, it's all true. But here's where it gets really weird.
The mom takes the girl to get an abortion. Mind you abortion is illegal in Brazil, what with all the Papists and all. But in cases where the mothers life may be in danger a judge can allow it. The girls legal representation argued that given the fact that she only weighed 80 pounds and she is only nine years old (remember?) her little body couldn't be expected to successfully carry one fetus, much less two. So the judge agrees. Not so much on the count of her being 9 years old, but more an account of her body being so small. Evidently if she'd have been a husky little nine year old all would have been kosher. (No? I can't say 'kosher'? Oh, well.)
So finally the girl's mother is granted permission to get her an abortion at 15 weeks gestation. And the step-father is prosecuted and put in jail. So this should be the end of the story right? I mean, with some counseling and family support this girl should be able to go on to a relatively normal life. Not so much. This is where the shit-stirring Catholic church steps in.
Evidently even in extreme cases such as this one, the church can't relax it's position on abortion not one little bit. They have issued a statement saying that anyone involved in helping this girl procure an abortion will be excommunicated. The doctors and nurses who performed the procedure, the judge and lawyers who allowed it, and most especially the mother who sought it. Strangely enough they haven't included the girl in their superficial edict. Apparently since she is a minor she had not control over whether or not she had the abortion. You know, like how she had no control over getting raped by her step-father and left to bare his demon seed.
The publicist for the diocese where the girl lives (yes the Catholic Church has many publicists - most large global corporations do) issued a statement that it was their position that she should have been allowed to carry the babies as long as was medically possible and then have a C-section. That would have been 'God's will'
Perversely, no comments have been issued concerning the step-father and his immoral and illegal act that started this whole damn mess in the first place. One would almost have to believe that the Catholic Church turns a blind eye in cases of child molestation. . . Oh, wait. My bad. They do do that. Well, at any rate, maybe the guy just said he was sorry for it and all was forgiven. Sounds about right.
The whole thing boils down to the fact that the Catholic Church is pissed of about the fact that their are now going to be two less Catholics in the world. Two less Catholics who would then tithe to the church and who would spawn more little Catholics to tithe to the church and so on and so on. The Catholic Church doesn't care about the health and safety of it's parishioners. One might argue that they don't even care about their spiritual well-being. The only thing the Catholic Church has proven that it cares about time and time again is the bottom line. What is going to make them the most money. Or at the very least cause the smallest loss.
I have heard it said that religion is like opium for the masses and I would have to disagree with that. At least when you take opium there is some sort of tangible effect going on. I would have to say that religion is more like a placebo for the masses. It works because you believe it's working right up until the point when you actually need it to be there for you.
So way to go Catholic Church. It's only March and already you have won 2009 Big FUCK YOU award. You should thank your CEO Pope Benedict (who by the way sounds like Col. Klink from Hogan's Heroes.) and your millions of blind lemming followers who made it all possible. Congratulations.

Shut the Hell Up!

Michael Phelps gets caught taking a bong hit at a supposedly private party. So what. All the Hasselbecks out there are outraged. 'He's a role model. He's a role model. There should be consequences.'
First off, damn right he's a role model. This guy has been more focused and more determined than any other person his age that I can even think of. He has trained and pushed his body to do things that were once considered impossible. The greatest athletes in the world stand in awe of the things he can do and the best swimmers in the world fear his ability. The other competitors in the pool wish he'd take a few hits before a meet just to slow his ass down. And to top it all off, not only is he the greatest athlete ever, he's also humble and gracious and respectful of his teammates. Not to mention he loves his mama. Any parent should feel they had hit the child-raising lottery just to have a child grow up and be like Michael Phelps.
Secondly, as far as consequences go, I think perhaps finding out the hard way that you can't even go to a party at a friend's house and do the things that all other kids your age do without it being a topic of international debate - well maybe that's quite a consequence. Yes, I know pot is still illegal. I think the fact that it is is a bunch of BS, but that's another blog. Right, Woody? Besides, where it happened at, what Phelps was doing was only considered a misdemeanor. Maybe it would do more good to have him do a few PSAs for kids about making the right choices. Evidently one of those choices being 'know how to recognize when someone is really your friend or just some douche-bag with a cell phone camera'. Maybe you don't smoke the pot around said douche-bags.
So, Hasslebecks and other like-minded holier-than-thou ass-holes, Yes Micheal Phelps was tokin' on some sweet ganja, no he doesn't have glaucoma, and yes he knows it was perhaps the wrong thing to do. However, he's a twenty-something kid who has super-human abilities and who for the record has decided to take a year off from competing. So what if he wants to go a little buck wild. And, oh, by the way. Just because you see someone on the TV all the time and think you know them and the things they do doesn't make it ANY OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. So shut the hell up! The End.

Ann Coulter's a Big Fat Bitch . . . A Big Fat Bitch . . . A Big Fat Bitch

Oh, Ann, for why do you taunt me so? Your interview with Matt Lauer of the Today Show last week left me positively giddy. I sat giddily watching the television, hands clasped, eyes wide like a child waiting for Saturday morning cartoons. What would you say? What would you do? Oh, the anticipation was just too much. And alas, dear Ann, you did not disappoint.
Feeling a little left out? Here's the skinny. (pun intended) Ann Coulter has made the rounds for the past couple of weeks to endorse her new book "Guilty: Liberal Victims and Their Assault on America" More on said book in just a moment. Ms. Coulter was scheduled to appear on the Today Show on Monday, but was bumped from her time slot by someone talking about something more important than herself. Something about the economy or the stock market or, well . . . who cares. Anyways, Ms. Coulter and that big fat chip on her shoulder went out and declared that the Today Show had banned her for life. A situation which I'm sure the producers wished were possible. Sorry, Today Show. Unfortunately Ann Coulter, like bird flu and extra baggage fees at the airport, are just problems of modern society that we are just going to have to learn to live with.
The Today Show, taking the higher ground, invited Ms. Coulter back for Tuesday's show. I'm assuming they wanted to show Ms. Coulter that she was not in fact, banned for life, as she herself claimed on her own website. However, giving this crazy lady any sort of forum is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. She just can't resist to let all of America know what a self-important, coked up, tranny (she has an Adam's Apple, people) bitch she really is.
Ms. Coulter denied that she said the Today Show had banned her for life blaming the whole thing on the Drudge Report. No doubt, but it's still right there on your own website, Ann. We liberals may be many things, but we do in fact know how to read.
Poor Matt Lauer was stuck trying to reason with this she-devil. Getting her to stay on topic was like trying to watch someone herd cats. Just not gonna happen. Watching an Ann Coulter interview is akin to watching a Robin Williams interview, but in a whole weird new way.
Finally she was able to promote her aforementioned book "Guilty:Liberal Victims and Their Assault on America" I just had to put it in here again. I do so love the title. Victims? Hmm? I suppose if you wanted to define victim as one who has been royally screwed for the past eight years and lied to by their government, then yeah, I guess Victim pretty much covers it.
The point that Ms. Coulter tried to make with her book however is that the 'Liberal Media' elected Barrack Obama by supporting him throughout the whole campaign, never giving John McCain a fair chance. She makes the argument that the hardest questions NBC's Brian Williams asked Obama were about his parents and how they would have felt about his life today, meanwhile Sarah Palin was forced to memorize capitals and Presidents of foreign lands so as not to appear stupid in interviews. 'Appear' stupid? Come on Ann, even my 9 yr. old daughter knows that Moose Twit didn't have to 'appear' anything. She is stupid. The GOP couldn't even make her appear sane, much less intelligent.
And as for John McCain . . . When a candidate for the Presidency of the Untied States of America appears at a fund raiser singing "Bomb, bomb, bomb. Bomb, bomb, Iran." Well, it's just kind of hard to pin that into anything even close to PC.
Hey Ann, you must have some really big balls (I'm guessing maybe, literally) to accuse the left of portraying themselves as victims when your own party can barely keep it's head above water.
I could go on and on about the audacity of this psycho witch, but I think it's best to let Ms. Coulter speak for herself.
Although I will leave you with one last snippet of Ms. Coulter's glaring hypocrisy and apparent lack of self-awareness. In May of 2003 she was quoted as saying, "It would be a much better country if women did not vote." I shit you not. She actually said that. You can't make this crap up. On the flip-side, however, Ms. Coulter has been accused of voter fraud. Twice. Way to go, Ann. Keep it real. And for God's sake don't quit what your day job. We liberals need stuff to bitch over, too.